Review

After seeing the film, I watched Kane Parsons’s entire Backrooms series on YouTube. Though there are some tells here and there that it’s the work of a teenager (and one who’s played a lot of Portal), he’s clearly a prodigious talent, and it’s easy to see why A24 scooped him up to make a feature. Parsons didn’t invent the Backrooms concept—essentially an empty (or is it?), windowless, inescapable yellow maze of a corporate campus—and I’m… See more →

This movie’s not for me, and there is so much of it, but Lord and Miller’s reliable charm sustained me even if it didn’t satisfy me. Some science nerd has probably mansplained why they didn’t visibly age Ryan Gosling like they did Sandra Hüller, but I will continue to disapprove.

This franchise took a left turn when a weird cult in blonde wigs showed up at the very end of last year’s adequate-at-best 28 Years Later. It was a conspicuously goofy addendum, and it feels even less natural when the psychotic, Teletubbies-obsessed cult takes center stage in this direct sequel, roaming the post-apocalyptic British countryside looking for un-zombified victims to carve up in Satanic sacrifice. Elsewhere on the island, Dr. Kelson (Ralph Fiennes, both… See more →

I had a great time with this one. I wish I had gotten it together to see it in a crowded theater. I also wish its office politics were less generic, and that its crummy digital effects weren’t one more drop in the ocean of reasons I’m convinced computers were a mistake. But man, it had been way too long since we had a fresh opportunity to picture Sam Raimi cackling from behind the camera… See more →

I’m known to enjoy a film made by clumsy amateurs reaching for something beyond their means, and this unfathomably earnest love letter to the beach towns of Delaware is definitely that. But even if its many perplexing choices provoke the occasional chuckle, its failed attempts to mine drama from Holocaust survivors, homophobia, and sexual assault make it cringeworthy in all the wrong ways. To make matters worse, it has a character named Gallagher who doesn’t… See more →

I’m not big on movies loudly foregrounding firearms these days, so I thought it might not be the best time to finally watch Hard Boiled, but I did it anyway, and even though it may be the single most trigger-happy movie I’ve ever seen, its effect is entirely different than what I’ve come to expect from most movies fitting that description. I read a review that derides Hard Boiled as less symphony than juvenile heavy… See more →

It might seem surprising that Brad Dourif’s intense and fascinating performance in Wise Blood didn’t get him much higher visibility in Hollywood, but it’s hard to imagine a more singularly challenging character for audiences than Flannery O’Connor’s anti-preacher, Hazel Motes, whose all-consuming contempt Dourif projects forcefully and without apology. If this film underwent test screenings, it seems to have refused to be influenced by them, with the possible exception of its ill-fitting, whimsical score, something… See more →

Based on Kenneth Fearing’s 1946 novel of the same name, The Big Clock was released in 1948, and Hollywood took a second swing at it with No Way Out in 1987. As I write this in 2026, another 39 years have passed and we’re due for a third iteration, which has me thinking. I was 11 when No Way Out came out, and though I hadn’t seen it before now, and it’s dated in many… See more →

A surrealist nightmare of expressionist lighting and skewed compositions made from colossal pre- and postwar European architecture, oppressive even when it’s beautiful, its sharp angles stuffed to the gills with detritus, evoking a civilization abandoned in a panic. Even the scenes with hundreds of extras feel lonely. It talks too much but my god does it look incredible.

Whatever the Exorcist II apologists may tell you, its legendarily scatterbrained attempt to rationalize the irrational is not something to aspire to, even more so if you’re unwilling to match its level of sheer lunacy. Supernatural mythology, especially in Eastern traditions, is a lizard-brain beast with little use for reason, but like that ill-advised Exorcist sequel, Ringu 2 attaches electrodes to its spooks, making a fairly simple story of ghostly revenge into a drawn-out thesis… See more →

In this Ringu sequel, which was released at the same time as the first film, almost every noteworthy survivor of the previous installment is killed off pretty much right away, and we soon start to learn that the series’s cursed-videotape shtick is a lot more complicated than everyone thought. The nature of that complication is revealed, as Hemingway would say, gradually, then suddenly, and I won’t spoil the cuckoo left turn it takes in the… See more →

Our protagonist finds a cursed videotape that kills the viewer a week after they watch it, so she starts using her skills as a journalist to get to the bottom of it, and then almost immediately hands the whole project over to her ex-husband so she can rest her little brain, because she is, after all, just a girl. Oh, and her ex is able to unravel the mystery in fairly short order due to… See more →

Matilda Lutz was the lead in this movie the same year she was the lead in Revenge, and I kind of wish I could do to this movie what she did to the dudes in that movie.

I was pretty unkind to The Ring when it came out in 2002, going as far as to make regrettable use of the R-word, and upon rewatching it a couple dozen years later, I was pleased to find myself both more amenable to its silly urban-legend premise and less intent on having a strong opinion about its unremarkable execution. The movie is nothing special, but it’s a perfectly inoffensive way to spend a rainy Saturday… See more →

“I’m not mad, just bewildered,” says Kate Beckinsale about halfway through Tiptoes, a deeply weird cinematic act of little-people advocacy. You might assume she’s talking to the agent who got her the lead in this well-meaning misfire, but the line is actually directed at Matthew McConaughey, who plays her fiancée, who as it turns out is the only Matthew McConaughey-sized person in his extended family, all of whom are otherwise affected by dwarfism. This includes… See more →

As is often the case in low-budget filmmaking, Killpoint is the underwhelming product of one guy spreading himself too thin, with main man Frank Harris writing, producing, directing, shooting, and editing. But he leaves the acting to the actors, and his stable is surprisingly deep (a cast of more than 100), if not all that skilled. Stilted performances are the name of the game, which is to be expected from the Hollywood hopefuls with empty… See more →

If you see only one motion picture featuring a pregnant teen being chased through the woods by a second pregnant teen with a kitchen knife, make it this one.

I only counted three crowns?

I like to think I’ve shaped my FOMO into a generally healthy force for good over the years, at least as regards my commitment to the arts, but it really let me down on this occasion, when it took me more than two months to accidentally discover this new album from an old favorite. Still, I’ll cut myself some slack on this one, as it was easy to lose track of Jesse Sykes in the … See more →

That the majority of the soulless thugs prowling the streets in this film are in their 30s and 40s initially took me out of it a bit, but that notable embellishment (along with at least one insanely cold-blooded murder) ultimately puts it far enough over the top to qualify as pure pulp bliss, as opposed to the ickier right-wing fever dream of Death Wish.

Donald James Parker has written no fewer than 18 evangelical Christian feature films since 2013, and he starred in most of them as well, including Gramps Goes to College. They say you should write about what you know, and Parker’s main character in this film—a retired computer programmer who played tennis as an undergrad and moves from South Dakota to Tennessee—is pulled directly from Parker’s own bio. Conspicuously fictional is the part where he goes… See more →

What a relief that this is not the uplifting sports drama it’s being sold as, but rather a properly stressful Safdie movie full of terrible people. Also, I’m not sure why every single pair of eyeglasses in this film is exquisite, but I’m all for it.

I decided to close out Christmas with the most sacrilegious thing within reach, but for all its cheekily provocative preoccupation with lust and power, Benedetta’s satire and sleaze are largely drowned out by a tedious veneer of prestige melodrama.

Massachusetts, I can’t say I miss ya.

A Grateful Dead cover band wouldn’t ordinarily get me out of the house, but a friend invited me, and the list of shows I’ve been to this year is depressingly short, so off I went. And I’m glad I did! I enjoy seeing something requiring a high level of skill done with a high level of competence, and so much the better if it’s in a passion-project capacity and an intimate environment like Ukie Club.… See more →

I didn’t have much access to TV during the heyday of To Catch a Predator, and while I was aware of the show, I don’t remember giving it much thought. I can’t say that anymore, thanks to this pensive documentary examining the show’s legacy, and I’m not surprised to learn I don’t find ritual humiliation masquerading as journalism to be entertaining or informative, regardless of who is being humiliated.

I’ve always been amazed Twin Peaks ever made it to air on network television in 1990, and its 2017 return, perhaps David Lynch’s most unfiltered vision, upped the ante on that amazement considerably, even in the streaming age of pricey prestige dramas. Has there ever been a creative work this vast and this weird with a production budget this big? Whatever you think of Lynch’s work, you have to admire his ability to carve out… See more →

This undoubtedly would have fared better in a packed theater than it did with me watching it alone at home, but I was pleasantly surprised it made me laugh out loud several times. Inevitably, its comedy feels conspicuously out of time, and I don’t think it’s on the level of the original, but I’m also not 12 years old anymore, and that’s not its fault. I spotted a couple very subtle sight gags, and I’m… See more →

My unexcused absence from social media kept me from finding out about the first-ever Philly Animation Festival until just a few days before it started, but luckily that was enough time for me to get a festival pass and make plans to attend every screening except the one for kids. In keeping with my Ottawa tradition, I rated and wrote at least a sentence or two about every single film I saw. Watching and reviewing… See more →

Relentlessly grimy from start to (almost) finish, teeming with hardboiled lowlifes of every flavor, and plenty of location shooting that makes for a great little Brooklyn time capsule.

Among other things, I remain very appreciative of Lanthimos’s rare appetite for adventurous typography.

Maybe the best thing you can say for The Forever Purge, which was originally slated for release in July of 2020, is that it cleverly predicts January 6th, at least until you remember that the loudest man on the planet had a global captive audience that year, not limited to his devoted cult of wackos, and anyone with half a brain cell could read the tea leaves.

In perhaps the series’s most ham-fisted attempt at… See more →

Like the other films in the franchise, The First Purge’s clear polemical ambitions are paved over by commercial ones. But this one’s blaxploitation revival is a bigger missed opportunity, because it might have really had something to say.

At the top, a montage of TV news talking heads gives us a cursory history of the rise of the New Founding Fathers of America, an autocratic political party whose introduction of the Purge, an annual… See more →

I’m not having a good month, and these Purge movies are not helping. But will I stop watching them? Apparently I will not.

There’s a MacGuffin this time, an anti-Purge senator (Elizabeth Mitchell) whose presidential bid aims to upend the barbaric status quo, which of course makes her a target. After narrowly escaping an assassination attempt, she flees her home, and it just so happens the head of her security detail is Leo Barnes (Frank… See more →

I couldn’t find any indication that Jello Biafra was offered a cameo in The Purge: Anarchy, which seems like an injustice given that it’s essentially a film adaptation of Dead Kennedys’ “Kill the Poor,” albeit an adaptation whose 104-minute runtime is markedly less incisive than what the DK song manages to say in a mere 180 seconds.

Still, Anarchy is an unqualified improvement over the first Purge film, whose one-note home-invasion plot Anarchy upgrades to… See more →

I was once again unable to make it to the animation festival in Ottawa this year, and the Philadelphia Film Festival once again filled some of that gap with a well-curated program of shorts. I’m feeling pretty raw lately about a variety of big things both personal and global, and several of these films collectively poked at all those things, so while I don’t regret attending, I did come away from the screening more emotionally… See more →

In keeping with this year’s ad hoc and mostly lowbrow Robtober, and since most of the Purge movies are available on streaming services I currently have access to, I’m reluctantly giving them a go. I didn’t hate this one any less than the first time I saw it; it’s perhaps the low-water mark of boneheaded Blumhouse mediocrity, with a kindergarten-level attempt at social commentary, cut-rate cinematography, and the most irritating villain this side of Martin… See more →

We’ve reached the “am I the asshole” stage of my reproachful trudge through this franchise, as Terrifier 3 ostensibly comes ever closer to the sort of 1980s genre trash that’s always warmed my contaminated heart. Its Silent Night, Deadly Night homage is unmistakable, its anamorphic cinematography nails the era’s unpolished 35mm aesthetic, and its uninhibited gore gleefully actualizes what all those VHS boxes on my local West Coast Video’s horror shelves always promised but rarely… See more →

In “Homie the Clown,” a fan-favorite Simpsons episode, Homer Simpson goes to clown college. The lessons he receives in baggy pants, balloon animals, and tiny bicycles were probably not drawn directly from the curriculum of an existing clown college, but they at least evince an awareness that such institutions actually exist.

In an adjacent hemisphere of the late 20th century entertainment world, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, a gonzo B-movie throwback, mines campy scares from… See more →

Another practical effects showreel barely disguised as a movie featuring the maniacal killer Art the Clown, a try-hard whose yearning to be a horror icon is as plain (and plainly mortifying) as our Commander in Chief’s yearning for a Nobel Prize. Despite the fact that Art, after being introduced gearing up Rambo-style in an unearned montage, indulges in some hacksaw shenanigans nasty enough to sexually arouse the kind of guy who owns more than one … See more →

It seems as though Terrifier is the slasher franchise of the moment, with 2024’s third installment reportedly becoming the highest grossing unrated film of all time, so it’s time once again for me to hold my nose and commune with the zeitgeist.

You’d be forgiven for assuming Terrifier’s stabby antihero, Art the Clown, was the product of an 11-year-old Fangoria subscriber’s very first ChatGPT prompt, but Art actually made his debut in a 2008… See more →

When I changed high schools after the ninth grade, there was some confusion about how each school handled its history curriculum, and in the shuffle, I lamentably never got a formal education in 20th century world history. I assume this is why I was never required to read this book. Reading it now, decades late to the, uh, party, it’s hard not to wonder how it would have affected me as a teen.

Would it… See more →

I always assumed there must be something transcendent about this 1980 live-action Popeye adaptation, seeing as a) it sure seems like a really dopey idea, b) there was nothing in Robert Altman’s critically admired oeuvre at that time (or since) to suggest he was the obvious guy to direct it, and c) it was the brainchild of Robert Evans, who produced The Godfather and Chinatown. Could it really be as artless a ploy as, “We… See more →

One of the best random laughs I’ve had in the last few years was at a “Remember when RoboCop shot that dude in the dick” t-shirt, and this fever dream of a comedy collaboration is a kind of spiritual sibling of that shirt, especially since it really goes for broke in reimagining that particular moment. All of RoboCop’s 60 scenes are remade by different people, often sketch comedy troupes, and while they don’t all… See more →

I remember getting MGM’s This Is Spinal Tap DVD when it was released in 2000 and being giddy at all the special features. The deleted scenes were longer than the movie, revealing that a ton of great stuff was sacrificed in the service of making the final cut an essentially perfect comedy. But alas, while watching Spinal Tap II, I shuddered to think what was on the cutting room floor, because the vast majority of… See more →

A pretty surface-level look at abstract painter Mary Heilmann, generally more interested in how many cool artists she hung out with and galleries she worked with than in what motivated her actual work.

A quick reminder to myself that in the future I really should swap out my 15dB earplug filters for the 25dB ones (or maybe even the solid ones) if I’m going to be right next to the speakers. My left ear was not the same after this show, and I hope it’s not permanent. That said, of all the dozens of shows I’ve attended in this room over the years, I don’t remember any of… See more →

First time in a long time I’ve come home from a show covered in fake blood! I knew Ghoul’s schtick borrowed liberally from Gwar’s, but I didn’t realize just how far they took it until one of their elaborately costumed characters came out with hoses attached to himself. Sure enough, his face was soon ripped off to get the fluids flowing. Not nearly as messy as a Gwar show (which these days suits me just… See more →

Constraints are absolutely critical to my own creative process, and I’m more accepting than I used to be of process being part of (or maybe all of) what a creative work is about, as opposed to merely being a means to an end. So I can appreciate the bargain at the heart of origami: A sculptural form is created entirely from folding a single square of paper, with no other materials involved.

I do, however,… See more →

Even if I’ve never been all that interested in the records that came after The Downward Spiral, a Nine Inch Nails show is always an event, so I had been keeping an eye on tickets for this one. By the day of the show, even the available cheap seats were not quite cheap enough for this cheapskate, but at the eleventh hour, a friend materialized with an extra ticket, and I came to my senses.… See more →