28 Years Later: The Bone Temple

This franchise took a left turn when a weird cult in blonde wigs showed up at the very end of last year’s adequate-at-best 28 Years Later. It was a conspicuously goofy addendum, and it feels even less natural when the psychotic, Teletubbies-obsessed cult takes center stage in this direct sequel, roaming the post-apocalyptic British countryside looking for un-zombified victims to carve up in Satanic sacrifice. Elsewhere on the island, Dr. Kelson (Ralph Fiennes, both films’ MVP by a mile, but still unable to save the material from itself) passes the time spinning Duran Duran hits while trying to rehabilitate a well-hung zombie who looks like he was fired from the WWE for refusing to bathe. These two narrative strands inevitably entwine, culminating in—you guessed it—a flaming Iron Maiden dance number around a 30-foot tower of skulls.

The ingredients sound like unhinged fun, but the stew they make is just too self-consciously rich, whether it’s desperately trying to shock you with the cult’s nihilistic bloodlust or move you with Kelson’s tender optimism.

One thing The Bone Temple does right is to sideline Spike, the young protagonist of the previous film’s coming-of-age story, but his cartoonish innocence still gets enough screen time to grate. If the box office gods are forgiving, his puppy-dog eyes will be back yet again in the next film to join forces with at least one very familiar face from from 28 Days Later for some full-circle fan service.