Dream journal

It was as if National Review were running Criterion Channel. An art house streaming service with a foundation of conservative values, and somebody thought it would work. Or maybe they knew it wouldn’t, and that was the point. As I butted heads with virtually all of my colleagues, most of whom were also progressive-minded cineastes, I began to suspect the company had hired us just to tie up our expertise in a boondoggle. I wouldn’t… See more →

In my dream, @OfficialJLD and I were crushing it on a cover of a fake Replacements song, but our band broke up midway through. A+ dream, would dream again, no notes

Ah, the old filling-in-on-drums-at-a-Lita-Ford-gig-with-no-rehearsal-or-setlist dream. A classic of the form.

From last night’s dream about Zuck looking for new sources of training data, the phrase that’ll stay with me is “quivering stack of ham.”

In my dream, I agreed to produce a @HighonFireBand album, but had to come clean about being entirely unqualified and busy with summer school

In my dream, a homeowner said my website design influenced his decision not to sell to me. I woke up mid-explanation and it is killing me.

In my dream, there were whole capitalist and socialist movements based on competing interpretations of the design of the Brady Bunch house.

In my dream, I happened upon a guy teaching his dog to drive, and a legal loophole let me make that dog the President of the United States.

I dreamed of a gentler version of Earth Crisis’ “Firestorm”:

v̶i̶o̶l̶e̶n̶c̶e̶ kindness
begets
v̶i̶o̶l̶e̶n̶c̶e̶ kindness
let the
r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶u̶p̶s̶ kind acts
begin

🌈

I was at a party where I was being honored for some kind of achievement that wasn’t all that much of an achievement. JS said a few nice words about me to those gathered, and when I thanked her afterward, JK appeared and showed me an amazing new project: something to do with a structure that lived in his backyard, whose upside-down mirror image was beamed holographically across the city to his office via direct… See more →

Just got ambushed by a master-class-level nightmare about my dead dad, so if any horror writers want a consultation, I’ll be up for awhile.

My dream didn’t quite accuse the government of engineering a hurricane to bankrupt the acclaimed rapper Nelly, but the implication was there

The sitcom in my dream: When I accidentally kill 2 of the teens who broke my window, I adopt the 3rd, played by current-day Macaulay Culkin.

Woke up and checked that my knuckles had not actually been bloodied on a concrete wall while waiting in line at a hellscape of a Whole Foods

Wide awake after begging the fry cook to guarantee that an aggressive customer’s chicken fingers would be tender and juicy so GOOD MORNING

In my dream, it wasn’t until my live debut as the new Jesus Lizard guitarist that I realized I don’t know how to play any of their songs.

In my dream, I made some pasta salad for David Lynch, and he disliked it enough to kill off my Twin Peaks character.

In my dream, the shelter explained that the kitten I found was an escaped virtuoso reggae drummer. They had an illustrated book about her.

Dear Mosquito,

I must commend you on a successful campaign of terror, even if its motivations are unclear. What a feast I would have been! A steak the size of a city, unconscious and completely unaware that its tender extremities were under siege by a tiny, carnivorous dive-bomber. And yet, you sacrificed your own self-interest for the sake of unprovoked spite, and landed right on the paragraph I was reading, just as my eyelids were… See more →

The worst dreams are the ones that attempt to subsume and dishonor treasured memories of people who are gone.

Those fleeting milliseconds in which the waking mind comprehends the unfathomably beautiful capabilities of its unconscious counterpart.

In my dream, there were private subway cars about ⅕ the size of a regular subway car. Antithetical to the subway ethos but still super cute.

Dreamed I went back to college and moved into a dorm to take just one class. Woke up before my inevitable social and academic DOMINATION.

In my dream, I was concerned about @essl and @VictoriaMia’s plan to combine our neighboring suburban land for the Gathering of the Juggalos.

Pretty sure I committed a major faux pas last night, and it’s killing me that I can’t get back into my dream to fix it.

Dreamed I was running a 5K as a surrogate for @DaveMustaine. Scott Adsit worked the registration table, singing “Killing Is My Business.”

Dreamed I was writing/producing/scoring/directing a slasher film / stage play with a priest for a villain, and hoo boy it was not going well.

Dreams of half-forgotten secret spaces from my youth reawaken old curiosities.

“It’s okay, it was only a dream. You don’t have a Reddit account.”

In my dream, @trammell was wearing the Windhammer belt buckle.

Dreamed of a lively conversation between @leonardmaltin and @TheGeneOkerlund in a movie theater lobby. The two of them really hit it off.

Ah, the less common but equally potent cousin of the “unprepared for important event” dream, the “botched incredible opportunity” dream.

For fans of my night terrors: I woke up last night afraid of my beard.

Dear Frances Bean Cobain,

First of all, it was lovely having lunch with you, even if you did get a bit confrontational at the end there. I’m glad I woke up before I could rebut, because a cooler head has shown me that your assessment of my taste in music, if incomplete, was remarkably astute. Dark themes, deceptively simple songwriting, played loosely but with discipline. You kind of nailed it. And even if you didn’t,… See more →

Weird dream. Joined Mission of Burma. Bunch of guys my age playing MoB songs. I explained that the real MoB still exists. They were stunned.

I Dream of Juggalos.

Dear Elderly Woman From My Dream,

I can appreciate your frustration. There you were, undertaking a civic duty that was not even yours, trying in vain to remove a massive tree branch from the road so that people like me could pass through your neighborhood unimpeded. You were not expecting some guy to come shrieking around the corner on a bicycle, much like I was not expecting to have my path suddenly and fully obstructed… See more →

Dreamt that A Tribe Called Quest woke me up from a nap to ask me to design their web site. I had some good ideas before I woke up for real.

Well, that’s a first. My dream was so lame, it bored me awake.

Dreamed of a Lego mosaic of Ella Fitzgerald’s Lullabies of Birdland descending a ladder. So Dali’s drug of choice must have been Cheetos.

In my dream, the flood waters were rising, but all the guy in the boat would do is gun down people who said yes to “Are you Chinese?”

Dreamed @urbancrunchy developed a time machine for Xbox 360, which I used to replicate a behind-the-scenes photo from Diff’rent Strokes.

Wide awake at 4:30 a.m. after bad dreams opened old wounds. Not a recommended way to start a Thursday.

Woke up several times last night convinced I had contributed to a retail store's scheme to traffic uranium to terrorists.

Awake from dreams of Melissa Etheridge's porno cooking show. Never sleeping again.

Dreamt I was asked to copy edit an article about vegetable nutrition, but was handed a wannabe Troma movie instead. It felt good to yell.

Dreamt I moved to Utah with @ChamberMonster. It brings to mind the title of a certain Meat Loaf power ballad from 1993.

Dreamt James Cameron gave The Terminator the George Lucas treatment, removing "I'll be back" and adding an inflatable parking garage scene.

Same old nightmare, but instead of final exams, it was a performance on national television I was unprepared for.

Just remembered a dream in which Craig Wedren said Pony Express Record was Shudder to Think's debut, and I was like, "Duh, no, it wasn't."