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In my dream, it wasn’t until my live debut as the new Jesus Lizard guitarist that I realized I don’t know how to play any of their songs.

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In my dream, it wasn’t until my live debut as the new Jesus Lizard guitarist that I realized I don’t know how to play any of their songs.

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Wide awake after begging the fry cook to guarantee that an aggressive customer’s chicken fingers would be tender and juicy so GOOD MORNING

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Woke up and checked that my knuckles had not actually been bloodied on a concrete wall while waiting in line at a hellscape of a Whole Foods

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The sitcom in my dream: When I accidentally kill 2 of the teens who broke my window, I adopt the 3rd, played by current-day Macaulay Culkin.

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My dream didn’t quite accuse the government of engineering a hurricane to bankrupt the acclaimed rapper Nelly, but the implication was there

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