July 2005

On the Web

• Guitar Shred Show: Learn the way of the exploding solo and become the shredder you have always dreamed of being!
• Picnic Mtn. Book 1: Thirty-two pages of perplexingly hilarious comics for $5.00.
• Live: Shellac: I have passed up a few opportunities to see Shellac. I am stupid.
• The Bearskinrug Store: Kevin Cornell is now selling prints and posters. Buy now—this stuff is gonna go fast!
• Glyphs: Dave Shea examines the awesome power… See more →

on the horizon
stands hope’s refulgent beacon
the Golden Arches

your curtains open
my binoculars handy
kismet smiles on us

my famous volte-face
consisted of reneging
on plans to wed Cher

your dolphin tattoo
is hardly indelible
fetch my belt sander

enough badinage
let’s get this show on the road
we’ve got books to burn

I’ll assuage your fear
that I am too immature
ha ha, I said “ass”

once the head is off
the thrill of the kill always
gives way to ennui

Lately I’ve been very aware of the fact that the art forms I’d like to participate in vastly outnumber my own creative capabilities. There is just too much stuff I want to do. It’s gotten me thinking about how, in its own way, the digital age compares to the Renaissance. During the Renaissance, it wasn’t enough for an artist to be a master painter or sculptor or architect. Notoriety was reserved for people who managed… See more →

how much do I know
about the Greek alphabet?
not one iota

known to be flummoxed
by microwave cookery
Roy stuck to physics

a lump of Play-Doh
injected with afterbirth
an ersatz donut

want bionic arms?
step into my atelier
I’ll fix you right up

For years now, pseudo-futurist designers have equated the emergence and explosive adoption rate of the web as a communication tool with the death of printed media, ignoring the irony that such a proclamation is very short-sighted. While I’m of the opinion that print’s centuries-old legacy speaks for itself, skeptics may need periodic reminders of print’s continued relevance and untapped potential. Enter Is Not Magazine. In its editors’ own words:

Is Not Magazine is a magazine… See more →

for your fealty
I shall reward you greatly
milkshakes are on me

the Supreme Court judge
was known for his malfeasance
and his peach cobbler

Victor decided
after some introspection
to lose the toupee

See the full gallery (11 items) →

Another Free Slurpee Day has come and gone, and for the second year in a row, my roommate Peter and I took to the streets with visions of conquest, this time with our new roommate Kevin in tow. There are eighteen 7-Eleven stores in metropolitan Philadelphia, and we set out to suckle at the syrupy teat of each and every one of them.

Free Slurpee Day, for those not in the know, occurs every year… See more →

the Stadium Pal:
his temerarious plan
for Free Slurpee Day

her insomnia
surrendered to somnolence
thanks to chloroform

The Unofficial Apple Weblog was gushing itself dry yesterday over The ABkey Revolution, a new computer keyboard which promises to deliver us from the soul-sucking tyranny of the standard “QWERTY” keyboard layout once and for all. As I am apparently a brain-dead boob who didn’t even know he needed to be saved, ABkey has provoked a critique from me.

For my critique to be valid, I must be careful not to confuse my criticism of… See more →

remember in May
when we learned ameliorate?
those were some good times

Bill drops the shovel
his rictus tells a story
of a prank gone wrong

go on, join the herd
flock to this absurd nostrum
they call “Tylenol”

a varicolored
utopia displayed by
this college brochure

Late last year, my friend Scott added a Philadelphia-based band called Chromelodeon to the roster on his Bloodlink record label. The band initially piqued my interest with a nine-song EP called The Dark Sword of Chaos, which was dedicated exclusively to the music from Ninja Gaiden II, the second installment in the greatest video game series of all time. It was clear that these guys shared my enthusiasm for the game, and they brought its… See more →

Dear The Monkey,

I think I swallowed a moth in my sleep. There was an antenna and/or leg on my lip when I looked in the mirror this morning. Should I be concerned? I sleep with my mouth wide open at night and it has gotten me thinking about just how much wildlife has met its demise while I slumber. I am not “creeped out” by the idea, but I do feel some remorse. Any… See more →

Jim the gigolo
known for his garrulousness
gets little business