Daily haiku

adamant about
being true to his namesake
Spock Jones had no friends

when we lived at sea
those were our halcyon days
before the gulls came

tonight we escape
this banal jerkwater burg
in my Ford Taurus

if you had even
a modicum of virtue
you’d give me those clogs

if you’ll fetch my bag
we’ll see if this pacemaker
is adventitious

let’s consider nukes
before we capitulate
to democracy

in my microwave
you’ll deliquesce into goo
die, Man-E-Faces!

Warhol’s detractors
were immured by his henchmen
in Brillo boxes

your hauteur may be
popular with the ladies
but you still have lice

we now constitute
a concerned parents quorum
I’ll buy the first round

corporate afflatus
subtle indie film reborn
as slapstick sitcom

I would have gotten
away with it if not for
those officious kids

your newest painting
ostentatious, trite, puerile
and I must have it

his “iron stomach”
did not live up to its name
when he quaffed the bleach

preschool demagogue
reign of terror now ended
swings from the gallows

farrago of pills
scattered across the table
on Christmas morning

listen, don’t cavil
about your job description
please, just bathe the corpse

mock my pink helmet
but you will bleed if you dare
deride my Vespa

it was a sad year
for the mathletics program
trammelled by poachers

though I’d like to help
even my capacious truck
can’t hold all those whores

of your convictions
the most venial is murder?
well, I’m sold; you’re hired!

in dawn’s velvet glow
she appeared evanescent
from the cholera

from within the van
an unctuous grin awaits
his teen daughter’s friends

losing your wallet
is but a mere bagatelle
when you are on fire

the bloody crime was
declared a peccadillo
since it looked so cool

at my summer home
ghosts expatiate the grounds
shilling Weight Watchers

he confessed he was
a tyro plastic surgeon
but it was too late

your homemade fireworks
your emergency room bills
my Schadenfreude

important lesson
women are ephemeral
LARP is forever

successful parley
between Lucifer and God
bankrupted Slayer

I will get to this
dilatory-themed haiku
just a bit later

a numinous sigh
as Christ turns water to beer
for some local teens

a block of C4
expresses his enmity
for Radio Shack

birds patrol the skies
bloodthirsty, ubiquitous
searching for Timmy

do not pester me
with nugatory concerns
that lye won’t kill you

he has made progress
but is still known to sojourn
under my son’s bed

he will not fall prey
to her captious reasoning
the sweatpants stay on

I am nu-metal!
quake in terror before my
somniferous roar

beholden to none
my immense riches will not
pay for thank you notes

who among you is
the most parsimonious?
the first to starve wins

completely smitten
with his affable nature
we robbed her dad blind

late for the Zeitgeist
his sandwich board gravely warned
of the Red Menace

circumlocution
is an impossible stunt
within a haiku

on the horizon
stands hope’s refulgent beacon
the Golden Arches

your curtains open
my binoculars handy
kismet smiles on us

my famous volte-face
consisted of reneging
on plans to wed Cher

your dolphin tattoo
is hardly indelible
fetch my belt sander

enough badinage
let’s get this show on the road
we’ve got books to burn

I’ll assuage your fear
that I am too immature
ha ha, I said “ass”

once the head is off
the thrill of the kill always
gives way to ennui