Daily haiku

PhD thesis
steeped in baffling arcana
and fudge recipes

a comfy sofa
couldn’t sate his faineance
but sleeping pills could

The War on Terror
is more than merely zeitgeist
it’s a board game, too

many a person’s
life-changing bouleversement
was caused by Six Flags

I’m not mendacious
women dig my honesty
and my flying car

drunken best man speech
a pronunciamento
of distaste for peas

my new factotum
didn’t expect to be asked
to embalm my dad

I’m just eating lunch
if you find me so noisome
don’t come to IHOP

unsurprisingly
Steven’s “great panacea”
was made of feathers

you’re very quiet
for such an intrepid soul
is it all that gauze?

for your recreance
I must take drastic measures
no Cheetos for you

a prismatic meal
even more varicolored
on its way back out

no more potboilers
give me quality writers
like, you know, Dan Brown

the ne plus ultra
of my indecisiveness
to be determined

this vase is priceless
but is it so ignoble
to drink Schlitz from it?

tell that old roue
to steer clear of my daughter
or he’ll catch her crabs

impassible dad
con: cannot say “I love you”
pro: show and tell gold

amidst plangent wails
roses rained on the casket
next time, get a tent

to cozen a friend
is the mark of a scoundrel
so is a big S

please bear this in mind
while petting my supine cat:
he’s not for eating

our faces were red
when the stern censure came down
from the Navajos

his fond memories
of that untamed, yeasty minx
eclipsed the herpes

armed with intellect
I’ll cudgel you with knowledge
or this table leg

I bought you a yacht
so what’s all this foofaraw
about back taxes?

imprecated by
a sullen Pat Robertson
Tina was unphased

his best dreams found him
swallowed up by the eddies
in a grand spittoon

in its final month
Dinah’s book club was sundered
by Ayn Rand herself

the interregnum
between their hall monitors
was uneventful

oblivious to
Wimbledon’s punctilios
Steve wore body paint

as we lie longing
for a favonian breeze
the seagulls take aim

his exegesis
of Puff the Magic Dragon
earned him detention

some opponents of
my nascent “daycare service”
didn’t like my van

preoccupied by
the room’s daedal wallpaper
we soon starved to death

my esteemed colleague
a luminary poet
finds your hat vulgar

when the prom blacked out
her superfluous hairspray
would light our way out

the Pontiff panicked
swept up in a confluence
of unwed mothers

we remained stolid
Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling
did not interest us

sainted Uncle Stu
our paterfamilias
has never been kissed

when the business failed
he was succored by his dreams
of a vengeful god

woken by the dawn
she traced a tender aubade
in last night’s dinner

Pál of Hungary
paragon of glass eaters
choked on his danish

after his kids were
trampled by digerati
he stopped reading Wired

though they were siblings
their sub rosa love affair
made their parents proud

my carny contract
which I thought was sacrosanct
turned out not to be

hale and full of pep
we sprung from the hospital
with morphine to sell

Richie, best known as
a paladin of Denny’s
gets in lots of fights

Sarge earned our respect
with his combat carapace
made of children’s teeth

the Tmesis Titan’s
archenemy Compound Creep
secretly loved him

when did you become
such a voluptuary
to scorn Top Ramen?

my sylvan retreat
was rudely interrupted
by the Oakland A’s