Ask the monkey

Dear The Monkey,

I think I swallowed a moth in my sleep. There was an antenna and/or leg on my lip when I looked in the mirror this morning. Should I be concerned? I sleep with my mouth wide open at night and it has gotten me thinking about just how much wildlife has met its demise while I slumber. I am not “creeped out” by the idea, but I do feel some remorse. Any… See more →

Dear The Monkey,

Recently, my school replaced the old writing composition teacher with an even older one. While I always considered writing was one of my stronger assets (often an idea expressed by grades), the new teacher doesn’t agree. Now my essays appear to have been the altar at which a goat was sacrificed upon judging by all the red correction ink crossing out words, sentences and even whole paragraphs! Is she just trying to… See more →

Dear The Monkey,

My cubicle-mate at work smells like whatever he ate for breakfast all day long. Does he even know how to use utensils or does he just eat with his hands?! Ew. How can I tell him that his odor is an offense to others without hurting his feelings too badly?

Sincerely, Positively Uncouth

The Monkey Responds:

Your coworker suffers from a rare condition called handspophobia. Its name combines hand and spo, which are… See more →