Gotta print some zines. Off to FedEx I go. The self-service printer/copier takes credit cards. I’m prompted to pre-authorize a payment amount. Look at the sticker on the machine with the printing rates. Recall my document’s page count and how many copies I want. Do the math in my head. Select an amount from the preset options. Pop my thumb drive into the machine. It won’t read. No problem, I have a backup. But that one won’t read either. OK, well, looks like this machine can connect to Dropbox, and my PDF is stored there too. Tap the Dropbox icon. Uncheck “Remember me” on the login screen. Type in my email address. Look back and forth between the machine and 1Password’s mobile app as I painstakingly transcribe my very secure and very not-human-readable Dropbox password. Submit. Here comes the CAPTCHA. I haven’t seen this one before. It shows a little 3-D rendering of a 4×4 section of theater seating, with the rows marked with random numbers and the columns marked with icons that are visual gibberish. It gives me a row/icon combination and makes me tap arrow buttons to randomly change a little person’s seat until they’re sitting in the right place. With each tap, the viewing angle of the seats changes and the numbers and icons rotate. I squint through 10 rounds of this. Once I’m finished, I’m told one or more of my 10 rounds was incorrect. I’m served up another 10 rounds. More squinting. This time I succeed. But my email address or password is incorrect. I look more carefully at the proprietary touchscreen keyboard. Maybe the shift key stayed on and I accidentally typed my password in all caps? Tap the eye icon so I can actually see my password as I type it. Confirm the shift key error. Painstakingly input the password correctly this time. Submit. Another CAPTCHA. Ten more rounds of squinting. Success. Except not, because I’m told there was a different, unspecified CAPTCHA error. Different text and different design than the previous error. Back all the way out of everything. Tap the Dropbox icon again. Uncheck “Remember me” again. Email address and password again. CAPTCHA squinting again. No error messages. Finally I see my Dropbox account. Navigate to the file I want to print. Choose black and white printing and number of copies. But apparently the math I did in my squishy human brain 20 minutes ago was incorrect, because I’m now told I didn’t pre-authorize enough money to print this many copies. I am not told the amount necessary. Cancel the session. Start over. Tap my credit card. Pre-authorize the largest amount available. Tap the Dropbox icon again. Uncheck “Remember me” again. Email and password again. Ten rounds of CAPTCHA again. Navigate to my file again. Black and white printing and number of copies again. Here we go. But apparently the machine can’t print files bigger than 10 megabytes, and my file is bigger than 10 megabytes. Cancel the session. Exit the store. Walk toward the river. Look up the height of the bridge.