August 2005

On the Web

• ZombieWalk Vancouver: The undead answer to Critical Mass. What a completely fantastic idea!
• Hollowed-Out Human Head: Frivolous product design ruffles my feathers.
• Remastered: A fellow Rock Snob laments the age of digital music.
• A List Apart 4.0: A great site made even greater.
• “Imagine five of the top voiceover artists in our country all in one car—mine!”: Hilarious trailer for the 26th Annual Key Art Awards.
• P.E.A.R.T.: A drum machine that plays actual… See more →

of your convictions
the most venial is murder?
well, I’m sold; you’re hired!

in dawn’s velvet glow
she appeared evanescent
from the cholera

from within the van
an unctuous grin awaits
his teen daughter’s friends

losing your wallet
is but a mere bagatelle
when you are on fire

Last week, the complete sixth season of “The Simpsons” was released on DVD. According to many geeks—myself included—this is possibly the single greatest season of the single greatest television program ever broadcast, so my anticipation for its release was tremendous.

Previous “Simpsons” DVD releases have taught me to expect certain shortcomings (usually dumbfounding interactive menu decisions, including custom animations that delay response time by minutes), but they never fail to deliver superbly in the most… See more →

the bloody crime was
declared a peccadillo
since it looked so cool

at my summer home
ghosts expatiate the grounds
shilling Weight Watchers

he confessed he was
a tyro plastic surgeon
but it was too late

your homemade fireworks
your emergency room bills
my Schadenfreude

important lesson
women are ephemeral
LARP is forever

successful parley
between Lucifer and God
bankrupted Slayer

I will get to this
dilatory-themed haiku
just a bit later

a numinous sigh
as Christ turns water to beer
for some local teens

a block of C4
expresses his enmity
for Radio Shack

I’m not usually so into web memes (though I’ll confess I was a sucker for that musical baton), and I’m even less into cars, so when this “What if you could have a free automobile of your choice?” thing crossed my inbox the other day, I glazed over it initially. I’d be remiss to disappoint my favorite Texan, though, so I thought about it and decided that my car would have to be a Homer.… See more →

birds patrol the skies
bloodthirsty, ubiquitous
searching for Timmy

I currently have the good fortune to be working on a project in the service of Her Royal Majesty Heavy Metal Music, who just happens to have been my first love. I’ve done work for Her before, but most of it—from junior high notebook adornments to silkscreened gig posters—has been essentially pro bono. Now that She is a legitimate client, with a statement of work, a schedule, and a budget, I’m reminded of something I… See more →

do not pester me
with nugatory concerns
that lye won’t kill you

he has made progress
but is still known to sojourn
under my son’s bed

he will not fall prey
to her captious reasoning
the sweatpants stay on

I am nu-metal!
quake in terror before my
somniferous roar

beholden to none
my immense riches will not
pay for thank you notes

who among you is
the most parsimonious?
the first to starve wins

completely smitten
with his affable nature
we robbed her dad blind

late for the Zeitgeist
his sandwich board gravely warned
of the Red Menace

circumlocution
is an impossible stunt
within a haiku